Welcome to the cKotch.Com blog. I’m Christopher Kotcher, and this is my history with horror.
Where We Last Left Off
Last week, I covered three cartoon episodes which scared me off good stories. I ended with some insight into the importance of going back to past fears.
After all, fear is an intense feeling. It may often be seen as a negative one, but it is still a way for a work to resonate with you nonetheless.
Now, considering that insight, I began to wonder how I could link these ideas to my general avoidance of horror.
You see, I have never had the guts to sit through horror movies or go through haunted houses. I generally do not play many horror videogames either.
With the season in mind, I thought it may be interesting to examine my relationship with horror. See how I can praise facing old fears while avoiding any new ones.
No Fun Being Scared
I always had little interest in horror growing up.
Friends talking monster and slasher movies made me plug up my ears. My mom’s efforts to get me into haunted houses often proved fruitless.
I just did not find those things enjoyable. Seeking screams for fun made no sense to a younger me.
I did go to a few theme park Halloween weekends with family. We went to our usual place down in Cincinnati, Kings Island. They called it Fear Feast for most of the time we went there.
I tried one haunted house there. It was a zombie graveyard. I felt so petrified seeing all the guts and gore. I knew it was fake, but I still could not stand being surrounded by it all.
Only way I got through that one was closing my eyes tight and clinging to my group.
I only really have one good memory from Fear Fest. There was a stage show which involved music from the band “Fallout Boy.” It got the song “Thanks for the Memories” stuck in my head for years.
Other than that, once I got too old for the morning trick-or-treating and costume photos, I really stopped caring for theme park Halloween festivities.
Horror was all there was left to do, and I did not enjoy horror. I would often just sit down and wait for everyone else to go through the haunted houses.
What Fear Was Like for Me
Now that we have covered some of my experience with horror, let us see what it was like for me to deal with it later.
First, I must give a brief window into my mind. This way you will better understand how horror stuck with me.
You see, my imagination is always working. I pull apart and examine events and stories constantly. I always want to find inspiration for my own works. This was true even as a kid.
Now, this blessing can also be curse. My mind can be hard to turn off. That can make certain things tricky, like falling asleep.
As a kid, I would often take a long time to fall asleep. It could be at least a couple hours. This was not really any true insomnia. I just needed more time to unwind than I had during most days.
The problem here is that my mind would be left alone in the dark. I could begin to feel nothing around me except my own thoughts.
On a good day, this would not be much of an issue. After watching some horror though? My mind would race with monsters.
Most common feeling was the sensation that some sort of ghoul was standing over me. I felt like something was watching me. I had that feeling after every horror movie, every haunted house, almost everything that ever scared me.
That was what pushed me even further away from horror.
The Exception
There is one more major thing to note.
Like many rules, my avoidance of horror does have exceptions.
Most notable would be books.
Of course, I am a big fan of Poe, having memorized one of his poems. I have also dabbled a little bit into Lovecraft and a few Stephen King short stories.
Some of this reading was for school assignments. So, I really had no choice. Though most was part of my early push to read classics and greats.
I found myself far better able to handle these tales than any horror movie. I think that may have to do with the way my mind processes books compared to other methods of storytelling.
When reading, my mind is already working to imagine the story before me. I can process the finer details of the story as I enjoy it. I can analyze themes and ideas even as the plot progresses.
With movies, my mind is already taking in so much. The visuals, the sounds, the effects. I cannot process the finer details of the story until after it ends.
With horror, I believe I am more inclined to hold back my thoughts. I do not want to be reminded of any bad scares.
This then leads any fear to take shape during quieter moments.
Searching for Spooks
So, imagination seems to be the thing which keeps me from horror.
The horror I have enjoyed comes in forms where I can process the story as it happens. I have found this type of horror in books.
Maybe then the best kind of horror movie for me would be something that allows me to reflect on the story as it goes on. Something that takes its time.
I suppose many readers may even have a suggestion for such a horror movie form just as they read these words.
Still, growing up, people would only ever mention slasher and monster movies. So, that became my view of horror movies. That is what I expected them all to be, and that is why I have avoided the genre.
Though perhaps more experience with more reflective horror movies could gradually allow me to handle the more gruesome stuff. Basically, a gradual process of working to have fun with horror.
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